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:iconevelyntaliette: More from EvelynTaliette


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dfghdh by giantstorylover

Literature by theWitchofGrich


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Submitted on
August 31, 2012
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A young girl walks down a weathered path strewn with curled leaves, a canvas of criss-crossed dead branches halfheartedly cover the sky overhead. A rough black cloak coversher fragile shoulders, along with a hood that shields half of her ghostly white face- all you can see are her pale pink lips that silently whisper words to an unheard song. Her bare feet stand strong beneath the whipping fabric, caught by the wind.
Everyone had begged for her to stay, but its too late now. She always knew she must go, for the strong must survive.
The forest seems to swallow her up, pulling her deeper into the mass of fallen leaves with each step of her dainty, unmarked feet. She trembles slightly with each shuffling step, fighting against the orders of her tribe- but she had known that she would be the one who was chosen, not her brave sister.
She furtively glances at her surroundings- dead leaves, the sole remnants from the autumn long ago and now just a sad reminder of the cold winter to come. She shivers as she steps through the dull colored leaves that litter the ground, feeling like icy cold fingers that grip her small feet.
She turns her head a fraction, afraid the heartless guards were still following her, making sure she didn't turn back as she once would have, back when she was just a foolish girl. She glances down through the semi-permeable fabric that sways around her mechanically walking feet. Although it was so tattered at the ends, the body still remained unworn- reused, time and time again, a small fraction of the sacrifices of which she had been witness to..
She shudders as a strong wind blows through the leaves and she wraps the long sleeves across her chest- more from terror and less from the chilly breeze. She wouldn't have to worry about either soon enough, if she just kept walking. Grays, browns, and the iciest of white- she would still miss her colorless world.
On either side of the well-worn dirt path, the unending forest stretches for miles- just a mass of dead boughs and scattered leaves, impermeable even by the pale sky. They drooped hopelessly, no longer reaching for the cloudless sky. She almost expects his pale blue eyes to bring color back to her life, but she still yet knew that he wouldn't dare to rescue her. Not even him. Not even all the times they had whispered of escape, of breathless running, of fearlessness and all the promises of redemption it would bring. And yet, her pale feet with their little toenails of the softest pink still took one sure step after another, and her lips still formed the songs she had once dreamed of and sang for him.
Then, she saw it coming- the clearing with branches so dense that no light could even penetrate. The canopy seemed almost woven of branches, as if nature itself claimed that the beast that lived below didn't deserve even a single shred of light. In the middle of the darkness, a single cave jutted out of the rocky hillside. It almost seemed inviting, in a way, as if were only a labyrinth to be lost in. She walks into the darkness, the last ray of warmth she had felt from the reflections of the grey clouds faded. She's on her own now. She glanced down at the expanse of black that covered her body, the type that shielded even the faint color of her body. At least, as her last glance, she would see a flash of that beautiful crimson red. She shook her head, formed the last word of the song of her life as the midnight darkness of the cave seemed to swallow her up.
You can't fight fate
Short story, a bit more long and rambly than I'd like. Using this for "Destined Fate" art trade.

(Image is not mine, but is also taken from a complex maze of following links which lead to this site: [link] which may or may not be actually his.)

For this contest: [link]
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:iconrobostorm:
Critique by robostorm Sep 7, 2012, 2:12:48 PM
This is very well written. I feel that your technique was impeccable. Your use of imagery was outstanding and painted such a perfect picture. I find that it is so well written that I do not even mind that it lacks dialogue... in fact, for this particular piece, I think that dialogue would have simply taken away from it. That said, I did find a few portions a little convoluted. I feel though that the piece, although fairly original seems to have been done before (sorry if that did not make sense!). I mean that I feel as if I've read something similar in the past however this is uniquely written due to the technique (hopefully that clarified properly). Your piece certainly had impact. It was heart-wrenching whilst being awe-inspiring. In conclusion... kudos, excellent job on an excellent piece!
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:iconautumnlit:
autumnlit Featured By Owner Sep 25, 2013
:blackrose: Your beautiful prose has been featured here: fav.me/d6nss4z
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:iconaryamay:
AryaMay Featured By Owner Sep 30, 2012  Hobbyist General Artist
Hi ^^ Nice job on this, I really liked it. I entered the contest too. Good luck!
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:iconevelyntaliette:
EvelynTaliette Featured By Owner Oct 6, 2012  Student Writer
Thanks! I bet your entry is lovely as well- good luck to you too!
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:iconautumnlit:
autumnlit Featured By Owner Sep 1, 2012
I love how descriptive this was! Each word with rich purpose just as final steps would be. I feel like this girl was chosen to be sacrificed for some purpose by this "tribe"/village she came from. What lies in the darkness? I'd love to see a clever tale unfold from this, "You Can't Fight Fate" but can we work with it once we get there?-And we have yet to meet the mystery. Perhaps it could be reasoned with... Perhaps a deal could be struck. The possibilities are endless despite the finality of the ending. I love the mystery, and the thoughts, and legs moving mechanically. This character sounds extremely strong to me despite the character not thinking so. :love: Loved this!
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:iconevelyntaliette:
EvelynTaliette Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2012  Student Writer
Thanks!
Yeah, she is being sacrificed for some reason for another by her tribe. It's a routine thing, but no ones really quite sure why- is there a monster that needs to be pacified? Some ancient tradition? Maybe it's just a way of getting rid of unwanted citizens?
I was actually quite torn on whether to continue this or not, or whether its any good, but I'm happy with how it turned out.
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:iconautumnlit:
autumnlit Featured By Owner Sep 2, 2012
You're welcome! :tighthug:
I love how many possibilities there are to this!
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